Engineers
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a bird called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." The engineer bent over, picked up the bird, and put it in his pocket. The bird spoke up again, and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are, and how you are my hero." The man took the bird out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The bird spoke up again, and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the bird out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The bird then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year, and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the man took the bird out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the bird asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year, and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer says "Look, I'm an engineer, I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking bird is cool!
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."