The Two Campers
Two campers are walking around up in the mountains. Suddenly a bear comes running out of the woods only a hundred feet away. But instead of running away one of the guys throws down his pack and takes out his tennis shoes. He then changes out of his boots. "What are you doing asked his friend? You can't outrun a bear." His friend looks up at him and replies... "I don't have to outrun the bear...

          ... I only have to outrun you."
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.
‘What did the doctor say?” the victim asks.

          ... “He says you’re gonna die.”