Misc
- It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
- Losing a wife is hard. In my case, it was damed near impossible.
- A man is incomplete until he is married. After that he's finished.
- How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the coach!
- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't, there is a clock on the oven.
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
- Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
A man rushes in to his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the lottery!"
Martha responds excitedly, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds "I don't care! just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
Top News Story
USA Today, Palo Alto, CA (AP) - "Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists
fed 100 men 12 pints of beer each. They observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned."
SEMINARS FOR FEMALES (prepared and presented by males)
- Elementary Map Reading
- Crying and Law Enforcement
- Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
- You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
- Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast
- The Seven-Outfit Week
- PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine ("It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty: Deal With it")
- Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
- Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
- Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
- Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water
- Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament
- Telephone Translation (formerly titled "Me Too Equals I Love You")
- How to Earn Your Own Money
- Gift-giving Fundamentals (formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good")
- Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
- Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
- Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station
- Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels.
- What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
- His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too
- His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
- Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock")
- To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above' I Do
- Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
- Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?
